I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to abandon or forget about something that I enjoy so much - but I did.

The last time that I posted on this website was back in April, and it's now June. The fact that those two months slipped by kind of scares me really, because I don't really have an excuse as to why. I mean, I wanted to be active online and keep pushing through, making posts and videos. I really did. I just couldn't get there for some reason - motivation slipped through my fingers.

So what has happened since I last posted here? Well, a few things really, but when I look back at it, it doesn't really seem that much. It's a weird way to see things. I know there has been big, important things happening, but inside my head I just think "Meh...". Anyways, I'll get to it.

• I finished my Certificate III in Business Administration. I wish I was more excited about this, because it's another thing I can add to my resume to make me more employable, but the experience of it was so degrading. Now, I want to be careful when I explain this, and I don't want to offend anyone - but I could have finished that certificate in a week. The assignments were so simple and obvious that I was able to finish most of them within an hour or two. It honestly doesn't even feel like a qualification to me now - and again, I don't want to be offensive or degrading to those who have the certificate or who have had to work hard at it. Don't get me wrong, it's great to have it and I'm sure it'll help me get a job (more on that later), but I definitely have this feeling of "Oh, that was it?".
• I left my retail job of 5 years. This one was a biggie for me. I got this job at the end of high school, literally a week or so after I finished my year 12 exams. At the time, I just really needed money, and I didn't even know much about the business or what they sold. I still remember my first shift, feeling completely lost and out of my element. I didn't hate the job, but I certainly wasn't comfortable or enjoying it. I remember barely talking during my shift, and feeling like I was in the way of everyone. As time went by, though, I started making friendships with the people working there. I started talking to people more, and I really came out of my shell and became comfortable with not only the job, but myself. The more I learned from that job, the better I became as a person - as a friend, partner, employee... everything. When I finished my degree last year, though, I felt this strong urge to move on - to take on more responsibility, and make my mark elsewhere. This was an internal struggle that I had for quite some time. "I'm bored of this job, but I love the people and I know what I'm doing". Eventually, as you already know, I left this job, and I cried the whole way through it. I couldn't even fathom a goodbye speech, because I didn't feel like it would ever be enough. While I reached the end of my journey with this job, I am extremely grateful for the things that it has done for me, and a lot of it has to do with the people I worked with. There hasn't been a day since where I think "Screw it, I'll just go back". But I can't. I needed to move on, and I am - sort of.
• I started my first full-time job. I'm not super proud to admit that, at 23 years of age, I've only just gotten a full-time job. However, I always have to remind myself that I focused my life on my degree. I worked hard at it, and I finished, so now it's my turn for a real job. Notice I said job, though - not career. Without going into it too much, for the past three weeks I have been working at a call centre in customer service. It is not something I wanted, but here I am now. A lot of people have said to me "Oh, wow, why are you doing that?", and honestly, it comes down to money. This was the best paying job at the time that I could get, and I figured it was worth a shot. This is my new internal struggle. You see, the reason I took this job was to make some money, and finally look into buying a house with my partner. That's the only reason. I don't believe people should work for money - they should work for something they love, and right now, this isn't me. I'm not comfortable, I'm not happy, and I barely talk (other than when I'm on the phone, of course). But I need to remind myself of that girl who first started her retail job - she was uncomfortable and unhappy too, and in the end it became such an amazing part of my life, so why won't this job too?